I Think I'm A Stalker Script

 

"I Think I'm A Stalker"
from "LOSERS IN LOVE"
by D. M. Larson

(JANE enters cafe' and goes up to JENNY)

JENNY
Hey, Jane. You're usual?

JANE
Sure... have you seen Tony?

JENNY
You just missed him.

JANE
Oh...

JENNY
Something wrong?

JANE
I had an awkward moment this morning.

JENNY
Tony wet the bed again?

JANE
Very funny. Never mind.

JENNY
I'm sorry. You can talk to me. We're practically almost sisters.

JANE
We are?

JENNY
I figure Tony and Frank are almost like brothers and we're in serious relationships with them so we're nearly almost sisters now.

JANE
Well... I had the weirdest revelation this morning.

JENNY
Do tell? Wait, let me guess. Was it that you realized how pretty Tony is and if you put him in a dress that he'd look a little too good as a woman?

JANE
What? No! What are you talking about?

JENNY
Never mind. I have weird thoughts like that.

JANE
I think I'm doing something pretty weird too.

JENNY
Really? Please tell me.

JANE
No jokes if I do.

JENNY
I promise.

JANE
I think I'm a stalker.

JENNY
This is good. Who are you stalking?

JANE
Tony.

JENNY
But... you already got him.

JANE
But I'm doing creepy stuff like putting pictures of him on my wall. He showed me all these old pictures of him from when he was in high school and college and I kept some of them. I woke up and looked all the pictures on my bedroom wall and suddenly felt like a stalker. I wonder if I'm creeping him out.

JENNY
Trust me... he's very into you... he loves being stalked by you.

JANE
I hope so.

JENNY
I know so.

JANE
Thanks Jenny. But promise me you'll tell me if I'm getting too creepy.

JENNY
As long as you don't start knitting things out of his hair, then we're okay.

JANE
Um...

JENNY
You're not are you?

JANE
No! I was only kidding. Tell Tony I was looking for him.

JENNY
Why don't you text him or something?

JANE
No cell phone. I'm finally free of the financial and invasive stress of having one.

JENNY
I don't think I could live without my phone.

JANE
Not only do I live without mine. I live better.

JENNY
Everyone here is living... I think.

(Everyone in the cafe is on some kind of electronic device)

JANE
We should all get together some time and unplug. It could be fun.

JENNY
Hmmm... I don't know.

(JENNY gives JANE her drink)

JANE
Thanks for the drink. I better go. I think I have somewhere to be. Maybe I'll take a walk in the park while I try to remember where it was.

(JANE leaves happily. JENNY looks at her phone and all the people in the cafe on their phones. She sighs and goes back to work)

END OF SCENE

Copyright (c) 2017 All Rights Reserved

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